What Brought You Here?

Tuesday, February 4, 2003

7:14 am -

Whoops. Close call there. Not addicted to dope. Apparently, if you mix up the particular opiates enough, you can stay on the nods for weeks at a time and quit with nothing other than the pain of death wrapping its way up from your ankles.

Actually I think I'm addicted to benzos. Hopefully the same rules as above apply: some diazepam here, lorazepam, alprazolam there, clonazopam. No unexpected tonic-clonic episodes on the 11th floor of the uni library while doing research for my designated professors this term.

Did I mention I missed my new psychiatric intake by 24 hours and now have to wait until March 3rd to be seen? Let's see: I've been on Zoloft, Effexor, and now Lexapro in the past 6 weeks or so. I just increased my escitalopram (lexapro?) dosage last visit. So what the fuck do I do for the next 5 weeks?

My preferred pharmacy bought a cheap new generic triazolam and filled my prescription with it. Pretty cool. I can now take the sleeping meds I once thanked the gods for at triple dosage in the middle of the day and feel nothing. After I finish this, I intend to inject .75 mg of this alleged triazolam along with 10 mg of cyclobenzaprine. The cyclo will put me to sleep. The other drug takes up space in the syringe,which is important to a person trying to intigrate a large number of personal possessions and prescription drugs into a very small apartment.

Holy fuck. My computer says it's the sort of time when non-academic employed people get up. I was going to ramble about how my grandfather is still dead, how I am 27 and have emphysema (the 5 "please"s on the answerphone message left by the internist prior to the rest of the sentence "quit smoking now no matter what you have to do" made it clear). Pulmonary obstruction. Put it into a website and see what you find.

So I have to smoke the last of these cigarettes, even though I just lied and told my girlfriend I wasn't still up to smoke them, and slap on a patch. I have an appointment in 7 hours to see whether I am full of shit or last week's MRI reveals some actual reason for the pain in my hips, ass, and back I can remember from 18 years ago.

Hoping you see some sunshine over there on the other side of the world and the other side of this meteorological belt. We had some on Saturday. I saw it through the window.

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