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Sunday, May 11, 2008

Woe is me, car owner

Are there precision tools and advanced technical training required in order to shatter the idiot panel in your modern American locomotive? Or do you think I could do just as well myself with calm hands, a steady eye, and a mid-weight hammer?

I've never had a car with such a yen to fortel doom- and such bad timing with it- before. "Low tire"? First of all, how the fuck do you how many PSI are in my tires? I'm just dicking around here, but I'm willing to bet we could pull out a tape measuring and determine that you-IL "low tire"- are actually further from any of my four tires when I am properly seated and buckled with hands at 10 and 12. Further-fucking-more- why didn't this come up a couple of months ago when it was discovered that one of my tires was as low as 15PSI? Is that not low?

Or are you telling me about my spare? You know, I may be 10 feet away from the spare tire, but you're 11. I think I have a greater level of sensitively.

Of course so as not to leave "low tire" feeling exposed and awkward, "antilock" lit up at the same time. Where the fuck did all these lights come from? I've had the piece of shit 3 years now; if this were the result of a group of drunk Chinese New Year revelers staggering in late, I could almost understand.

Yeah, almost. I'm sure this sure of thing happens all the time at GM.

The one neat thing about brakes I've learned from driving my way through 4 used American pieces of shit is this, though: anti-lock, shmanti-lock, brakes pads, maxi pads, brake lines, sprinkler systems. . .it only really matters if you plan to stop.

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