I WANNA BE AT THE YMCA

I was filling out the application and noticed that each
adult membership included kids. They never specify on the application
itself whose kids they must be. The only information they ask of
potential members is name, sex, and DOB. So I went ahead and listed
my younger brother, figuring there might be a program here he'd enjoy
or he might like to come swimming sometime.

Of course *inside the program guide* in tiny tiny print they
elaborate on "kids included" tacking on "dependents as defined by the
IRS". On page 3 they give themselves of standing ovation, "In support
of the YMCA's goal to connect families in meaningful ways, dependent
children living in the same household are included at no charge on
all Adult or Two Adult memberships."

I guess another one of YMCA's goals is to separate non-traditional
families in alienating ways. The "household" rule definitely cements
the non-custodial parent the less invested (read: less loving) parent.
I have to wonder whether Heather would qualify under her 2nd mommy's
membership in the many states that don't allow for same-sex adoptions.

After that rant I realized that _the timeline fits_ for me to be
his mother.He was born in the interim between my first and second
years of college. Admittedly, my DOB doesn't reflect that, as I
was 17 at the time. But at this point in my life unwed knocked-up
teenage dropout is a helluva lot more believable than crumpled
ingenue. Furthermore, neither pleading no snooping on their
behalves will turn up any recent tax return forms for me. Among
the manifold benefits we folks living off the government
on SSI enjoy is government-sanctioned tax evasion. Er, that is to
say, we receive less per annum than a standard single deduction.

So, let's see.

In summary, the YMCA wants to

---

• Alienate children from their non-custodial birth parents in the case of divorce


• Foster hostility amongst steps and half siblings


• KEEP OUT TEH GAYZE


• Singlemindedly thwart my attempts to maintain a relationship with my brother

I never would have discoverd all this if I'd just filled out the
application without glancing at the flyer, as I ordinarily would.
I would have simply entered his information with mine and forgotten
about it.

I want to leave it.
But in that case, should I leave our mother as emergency contact?

N.B. Forgive the format, this is a tweaked-out rant on an e-mail copypasta sent to my mother, who is getting me GYM for exmass.